I realised I need glasses when I banged into the flag pole at the school fête thinking it was the cute looking boy I had a crush on and asked him out. It was more substantiated when I couldn’t tell if the traffic light was a red or a green and my pink lady bird bi-cycle (my sister’s actually… the pretty sleek ones with a cute basket in the front) was smashed by a lady driving a Luna!
My mother forcibly took me to an optometrist, saying I would look prettier with the glasses on… “Hello Doctor” I said extending my hand to a mannequin (I thought the doctor was standing outside to welcome new patients!)
After the initial chin wagging he took me inside and asked me to read from the chart which was hung around 10 feet away from the wiggly-legged stool where I had perched my derrière.
Doctor – “Young lady! I want you to read this... start from the top most line”
Me – “How to lose weight in a month”
Doctor – “No no below that”
Me – “Measles Collision!”
Doctor – “Nooooooooo… you dotty kid”
Me – (a little offended.. with a pout) “Tyrant of the Potatoes”
Doctor – stupefied and slightly frustrated “Come come my dear… stop kidding around… you only need to read what’s written on the CHART!”
Me – appalled told mum the doctor is not taking me seriously!
Next minute he seated me in a big-unwobbly-leather chair, placed an instrument in front of my eyes, perched a wiry-wobbly-lens holder and asked me to look straight into the instrument, he looked into the instrument, our eyes met midway…
Doctor – “Do you get headaches very often?”
Me – “No… not really.. you see doctor”
A peaky voice behind me – “Oh yes! All the time!”
Me – “Excuse me! I believe I came before you… and I’m trying to have a conversation here with the doctor, so do you mind?”
Doctor – “That’s your mother.”
Me – slightly mortified
Doctor – “Don’t worry child, everything will be alright. I’ll give you a nice pair of glasses and the whole world would be crystal clear to you”
Two days later I get a thick pair of lenses resting on a thick black-70’s style frame. (The doctor’s idea of what’s latest and in fashion.. Ha!)
And he was so right the world was crystal clear to me again!
The boy I thought was cute and had a crush on had a bald patch and was the school janitor. I had clearly not passed with “flying colours” in chemistry; in fact the only colour I saw on the report card was RED. I was clearly fatter than I’d thought and didn’t weigh 35kg. My skin was not as clear as the sun in the summer sky; in fact it was as cracked as skimmed milk.
I liked it more when my world was not crystal clear.
